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Sh*t I’ve Learned (Part 2)

December 12, 2011 in Out of my Brain

I’m still young, by this I mean having fun as well as beer, bars and boobs are still top of my ‘things to do’ list. Strangely though this past week I’ve been a anti social son-of-a-bitch.

I’m not sure if I’ve just got over partying backpacker style because, hell, that’s what I do as part of my job or because everyone that is in the place is young and sadly a little irritating.

For starters I had a nineteen year old try put me down by explaining why I was such an inexperienced traveller because I rolled up with a suitcase and how his four month trip up the Australian east coast made him a far superior traveller.

To say I travel bitch-slapped this kid would be putting it nicely. I quite diplomatically explained my backpack was in London having a rest from the pushbike ride over the Himalayas, the motorbike and hiking trips in Nepal, the fucking two months of travel through India on trains, scooters and tuktuks and then the 3month camper-van trip around Europe.

All of this Solo Travel.

I also explained that for this trip I wasn’t going anywhere that needed a backpack, amazingly Australia is a western nation and I wan’t planning on hitchhiking anywhere, or climbing any fucking mountains.

I also pointed out that the suitcase I’m travelling with had made six trips around Europe, and had even been to Egypt this year. That his entire 4 months trip had taken in about 5% of the places I’d been to on the east coast of Australia, and that next time he wants to try and one up someone travel wise, a fucking Contiki Tour manager that TRAVELS FOR A LIVING, sold everything and f*cked off overseas is a bad choice of target.

I may have added that I have had intercorse with his mother in there as well.

So aside from the irritating little gap year travellers I’m loving being on holiday, I’m loving paying the minimum for a bed because it means that during this trip I’ll be spending a couple of nights out on the reef.

And I suppose this is my main point, it has only taken me 300+ words to get here. My point is that your holiday should be relaxing, should be about doing things not were you stay and if this means having to bitch slap a 19y/o gap yarrrr traveller once in a while then so be it.

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Sh*t I’ve learned about Travel

December 11, 2011 in Out of my Brain

Plane flights are long. I can sleep anywhere, like I mean anywhere, stairs, buses, pavements, concrete floors but even I have issues getting a good sleep on a plane. I think it has something to do with the hum, the constant fear of dribbling on the guy next to me and the fact that I’m 3 inches from someone else I don’t know, don’t want to know and sadly will be able recognise by smell within a few hours.

Travel does broaden the mind, but then again so dose picking up a book and reading some shit so WHY the fuck should you decide to spend 20 plus hours, smelling someone else, not to mention the thousands of dollars, rupees, or what ever else in the gutter needing a bailout currency in your bank on getting the fuck out of dodge.

Well put simply the world is a magical place filled with stuff that is both awesome and scary at the same time.
Rome Take the Colosseum, the big oval thing in the middle of rome. It is what I call an engineering marvel, seriously every time I drive past it on the coach ‘ENGINEERING MARVEL’ bam right in the microphone.

Now its construction was something of a win for the Romans, it used steel pins instead of cement, this saved it, mostly, from the inevitable earth tremors that ruined half the city – side note the state of the building today is because it was ‘quarried’ by romans later on to build other shit like St Peters.

Finally the rope and pulley systems used to raise and lower lifts containing everything from gladiators to fucking surprise lions is still used today. Yep that is how unbelievable fucking awesome the Colosseum is.

‘But Glenn you said it was also scary’, hold your rampaging brain horse I’m getting there.

In the opening days it saw the deaths of 1000s of rare animals, some pitched against each other some against the poor gladiators – SURPRISE LIONS MOTHER F£CKER!

There was of course the main events the human on human action. This is where hundreds if not thousands of men, women and midgets went to their deaths fighting in mock battles. The arena had to be pumped full of perfume to hide the smell of rotting blood. The basement level was a tunnel network designed to get shit on the area and then off the fucking thing so more MOTHER FUCKERS could be killed.

So the short of it is: Colosseum = DEATH OVAL.

So there is one example of why the world rocks. So why go spend the thousands to see it, why pay a metric shit ton of cash to walk the hallways of a death oval, because to go there is to recognise its significance.

The Roman empire, controlled, and set in place the society we see today in Europe. Their technology allowed the development of the world as we know it. Visiting the relics of their age is a way of seeing where we came from.

Travel lets us discover the why to our WHAT THE FUCK!

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Auschwitz

October 1, 2010 in Location, Out of my Brain, Personal, Update

The places of evil men and their deeds stand not only as a reminder of the atrocities committed but as a memorial to those that died, to show the strength of those that survived, and as a monument to those that fought to liberate the oppressed. These places remind us of the lowest of human acts but also the strength of the human spirit, of humanities ability to fight, to survive, and to resist those that would seek to harm us.

The history of man is that of many cruel and inhuman acts, but within the threads of history are the stories of strength, of hope, and of those that stood up and said no more.

Auschwitz is a place that show the worst of humanity, and the best.

Spending a day within the electrified wire fence it is hard not to find what occurred there to be anything more than vial. The treatment of every human held or killed in the camps is something I would never wish upon any person, animal or living thing. The camps, there are three major facilities surrounded by forty sub camps, showed a systematic and planned attempt to wipe not only the Jews, but the Gypsies and Slavs from the face of the earth. Their design was purposeful, built to deceive the new arrivals, to keep them calm, make them easier to manage.

The Gas chambers themselves included false shower heads, the changing room hooks numbered to reassure the entering Jews that they would be able to find their clothes again – they would never see daylight let alone their belongings after entering this place.

These small acts of deception, culminating in the fleeing SS troops destroying the gas chambers, show that even before they began they knew that they were committing an atrocity in these places.

While these vial acts make the blood boil, I take comfort that like many points in history the things that stand out for me are the stories of those that fought back. The stories of those prisoners that whispered to the new arrivals of what was to occur, of how they could avoid death, how they could avoid the fate of over a million of their fellow humans. Of the grandparents that took infants from the mothers so she would be spared from the gas chambers.

Above all others the story of a man that kicked the stool from beneath his own feet, moments before the SS soldiers could, hanging himself to deny the Nazis the satisfaction of making him an example. He grasped the little freedom he had left and with nothing more than a step showed that to his death he was willing to fight for his freedom and to defy those that would seek to take it from him.

Today was a sad one, one that showed me that there are humans that will seek to suppress, to wipeout and to destroy those they disagree with, but it also showed that there will always be those that stand forth, that declare in which ever way they can that freedom is not something that can ever be taken away, that freedom is not given but is exercised through our own actions and that no matter the evil in the world humanity will strive to rise above it, to stop it, and inevitable punish those that commit the most inhuman of acts.

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Rules of DORM LIFE Part 1

August 27, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Travel Stories

YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT DORM LIFE!!

Ok so I’ve come to the conclusion that some people are ignorant to the rules of dorms. Now like every set of rules they can be broken however in general they’re there for everyones benifit.

Rule 1) Ear Plugs & Eye-mask

You’re sleeping in a room with anywhere between 4 to 30 people. Odds are, one will snore, one will talk in their sleep and a couple will try and get frisky (we’ll deal with this later).

Ear Plugs are a MUST if you will be spending even one night in a Dorm. They cost $2 and can be purchased from most Hostel receptions. The Eye mask is optional but once again odds are someone will arrive at midnight and want to turn the light on so they can move into the room.

If you’re not wearing ear plugs you can’t complain about snoring or noisy beds. If you’re not wearing an eye-mask you can’t complain about the light going on and off.

Rule 2) Talking in the Dorm

In most hostels there is a common area, dorms are for sleeping – do everyone a favour if you want to talk about the ‘exciting’ time you’ve had take it to the common area.

Also in many places the staff have to sleep in the dorm rooms – and if they’re the overnight guy/girl daytime is their night! Be kind guys keep the conversations to the common areas.

Rule 3) Proper sleeping attire

These are some general clothing guidelines to make dorm life a little less purvey

GENTS

You nuts should remain in your pants Read the rest of this entry →

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Stories from the Bar

August 26, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Personal

The young woman just ordered her sixth pint, it’s only 6pm and she’s quite clearly not happy, she occasionally sobs before heading to the toilet to do a line of cocaine. As she lifts the pint glass to her mouth her hands shake, the tremors only subsiding after a few large gulps. A regular at the bar she is an alcoholic and drug addict, she drinks everyday, and she’s not the only one. All in all there are about a dozen ‘locals’ that call the bar home most afternoons, and some mornings.

There are the older gentleman that spend every afternoon sitting in the bar downing pint after pint, talking to no-one just watching, and occasionally staggering up to the bar for another. There are the women, all mostly recent divorcees or in bad relationships who drink before heading home after work.

Don’t think I don’t like these people Read the rest of this entry →

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Night Buses – Never again

August 9, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Travel Stories

I wrote this back in India – just a few thoughts on nightbuses.

The bus bounces around the road at a breakneck speed as I try to get some sleep. It suddenly, and violently, jerks left then hard right, the breaks are slammed on and I slide down the bunk hard against the my pack, which is propped against the end wall of the cramped plank they call a bed. This is the fourth time this has happened since we left.

Welcome to an Indian night-bus. Read the rest of this entry →

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Three Months On the Road

July 19, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Personal

So three months have flown by and now I will share with you the wonders of the world.

Planing on Travelling – take your budget and double it and pray the exchange rate holds
That 90L pack the camping store guy showed you – don’t even think about it
Keep a diary – because you brain is never as good as you think it is.
Don’t hate the journey – Yes 30hour train rides suck but remember, least your not at work!
F*ck the US dollar – You heard me just get local currency it’s easier. (there are exceptions)
Don’t diss the dorms – they make meeting people easy, and are kind on the budget.

And one big one.

7) You’re not in (insert home country) so don’t expect things to be the same – instead enjoy the fact you’re experiencing a entirely new culture.

The last 3 months of my life have been extraordinary, I’ve seen things I’ve only dreamed of and met wonderful people from around the globe. If there’s one thing it has taught me is – I’ll never stop travelling, maybe not like his, but even when I settle down I’ll make time to experience something new. There are still many things I want to go back and do that I didn’t get a chance to, be it because of time or money, so I’ll end with this.

Someday I’ll do this all again because I’ve loved every minute.

So reflection complete, and looking forward to the next 3 months.

GK Out..

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Ode to My Thongs

July 13, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Personal

Ode to my Thongs

Oh rubbery friend of mine,
Bought for a buck in the discount line.

I’ve worn you in China, Tibet and Nepal
On buses and trains, rickshaws and all.

Though I mistreat you, wear you out in the rain
You don’t let me down or give me foot pain.

And when this trip is said and done,
When all the roads lead to one.

You’ll be there, like a dear old friend
To be worn to the pub, every weekend.

I’m no Poet..

OK so quite clearly I’m no Whitman, Cummings or Frost but I needed to show my appreciation for these marvelous inventions. I’ve abused mine recently, I’ve worn them through mud, used them to stop a scooter from rolling down a hill, swatted 100s of bugs and generally not looked after them. So this poem is my penance for torturing my poor shoes.

Regardless of what you call them, pluggers, thongs, jandels, flip-flops, slippers, sandals, they simply are the greatest footwear available, and Lets not forget they cost on average $3.00.

So lets give a hand for the hardest working sole protection devices out there!

GK out.

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Scooter-ing

July 10, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Travel Stories

So briefly I’d like to talk about a new dangerous trend that is sweeping the nation – that trend is….Scooter driving.

50cc of RAW power - my Goan transport.

Ok not really but I thought I’d quickly post about the sheer ease of hiring one of these little death machines in Goa, especially in the off season. I showed no drivers licence, no passport and was given a one minute instruction session that involved the guy turning it on , revving it and pointing at the two brake handles – yep I was WELL READY to hit the roads – now which side do they drive on again!? Read the rest of this entry →

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Would I do It Again?

May 26, 2010 in Out of my Brain, Personal

In a heart beat.

The time I spent above 3000m will stay with me for a lifetime. The views, people, and chance to stand on the roof of the world was worth the pain in my legs, chest, back and arse.

The people I made the trip with, Dan, Deb, Dan (Tour leader), Micheal, John, Keith, Esty, Russel, Kane, Jody and Anthony were some of the nicest, and patient individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of working/riding/being with in a tent for 15days. They put up with the Crazy little Aussie that brought the wrong bike, wrong clothes and failed to train for what is one of the hardest rides you can do. They smiled, and inturn helped me smile, through the endless servings of curry potatoes, head winds and cold. They help each other, and me, ride sections we thought we couldn’t, change tires when they went flat and get going in the morning when all you want to do is sleep. (I hope I spelled everyone’s name right!)

Thanks Guys (and Girls) for making the trip for me!

I want to also thank Dan, tour leader, for scaring the crap out of me by saying I might have to go home, and also being a great guide. I hope the next tour, a Buddhist meditation walk, is easier and your charges less of a headache.

The ride itself is worthy of a mention. The distance and altitude add up to a monster of a challenge, something I thought I was ready for, I was wrong. If you ride a bike and think you need a challenge take up the KE adventure tour. You wont be disappointed.

In total I managed just over 700km of the 1150km ride, I’m proud to say I managed that, but there’s a little voice inside me that says I’ll be back some day to earn my EFI (Every F*cking Inch) Badge.

Standing at the foot of Everest was the highlight. I still smile like a kid on Christmas every-time I think of the mountain and the fact I’ve seen its size and beauty in the flesh, or should I say rock…and snow. Even the altitude sickness, being rushed to a lower place and vomiting can’t take the smile off my face. Not only did I achieve my goal but I have a great story to tell for years!

I’ll end this with a thought. If there’s somewhere you want to go, something you want to say, or something you want to do…. DO IT. Don’t wait grasp life by the stones and leap.

A smiling regards

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